We have to educate our children to cut down several trees per day until we get rid of some of these ugly forests, that are not conducive to multipication of species like the ruby-bellied worm-eater, or the idle bespectacled busy body bird brain.
Audobon: go stuff an owl, and leave us alone. View Comment
Will the rabbis be making a shiva call on the families of those hundreds of dead children and babies murdered by their wonderful countrymen, using American planes and bombs? Might be a nice gesture... View Comment
"Israeli's value life"? A couple of hundred slaughtered old men, women, children and infants might question that lie, if they could. The Hamas freedom fighters have killed two Israeli civilians; while bagging an impressive 32 IDF invaders, including a couple of dual loyalist "Americans", who were righteously whacked demonstrating their true loyalties. View Comment
I was going to post about the absurdity of busting a guy on a bunch of charges related to possession of brass knuckles and firecrackers around the Fourth of July; but I see Romper Room is in session on the board, so I'll waste ten minutes on sites where adults play. View Comment
Wrap your children in cellophane and hide the family in the basement for the entire holiday. If you must use fireworks, use only the quiet legal boring ones you can buy at Stop and Shop--and only if the children wear nomex burkas, and give local authorities forty eight hours advance notice. Note that party poppers, which have been a mainstay at childrens birthday parties for decades, have now been declared illegal by the Authorities. Stay inside on warm days and schedule picnics in the evening and nightime hours, making sure that cupcakes and other former treats comply with Mrs. Obama's guidelines.
Wait!! An alternative idea!!! Say "Screw the Authorities", get some cherry bombs, M-80s and bottle rockets; drink beer and high sugar soda in the sun; play baseball without helmets--and celebrate the fourth like real Americans used to, before they declared their dependence on "The Authorities". View Comment
I think the Fairfield police should have shown up wearing women's shoes to identify with the woman who had just heard these chilling, threatening words: "Your cat will be next". The Chief likes to dress up for causes; he could have arrived--sirens blaring--wearing a woodchuck suit, to express solidarity with the deceased varmint. View Comment
I think we need to put Tomlinson Middle School on lockdown, until we can find a dog and handler willing to enter the building and sniff out the 7th grade terrorist cell that may be operating there. All metro north stations within a twenty mile radius should be shut down until this potential threat is addressed. Commuters should be advised to drive to work, unless the threat dictates that I95 and the Merritt should be closed, as a precaution, until this threat is eliminated. View Comment